In order for a man to get his admired woman for a lifetime, he has to undergo courting. Courtship is a relationship wherein a man and a woman seek each other’s heart which will make them determine if they are the right one for each other. A person courts someone for the reason that they pursue to make the other person be able to have their feelings be mutual. Courtship is usually done in public and needs to have the family’s approval. Every country has its own perspective about courtship, including here in the Philippines.
If you are a man, have you ever thought why do you have to court someone in able to get your love ones’ affinity?
In order for a man to get his admired woman for lifetime, he has to undergo courting. Courtship is a relationship wherein a man and a woman seek each other’s heart which will make them determine if they are right for each other. A person courts someone for the reason that they pursue to make the other person be able to have their feelings be mutual. Courtship is usually done in public and needs to have the family’s approval. Every country has its own perspective about courtship, including here in the Philippines. Courtship here in the Philippines is a fundamental process before marrying someone. The Filipinos has a unique way of courtship compare to other western cultures which has direct approach. It has a phases or stages which we inherit from own culture. The way of courtship evident in the Philippines are singing romantic love songs, reciting poems, writing letters, and gift-giving. In this paper, you will able to see and understand how our country values our courtship from the traditional way and how technology evolves it into modern way.
As we all know, the Philippines is branded as one of the religious countries around the world. As a land conquered by colonists like Spain and Japan, they brought religions like Christianism and Buddhism to the people. As an archipelago, islands are scattered and sometimes countries nearby influence the religion and culture; thereby arousing rich diversity in faith. The country’s government and culture are undeniably affected and evidently influenced by religious factors and aspects—as in people’s culture and tradition; specifically, the idea of courting. The Philippines have the notion that women must act the “Maria Clara” way and men are injected with “Lalaki dapat ang gumalaw” idea which are also influenced by religious aspects. But with the erection of faith diversity, uniqueness manifest among religions. The traditional Muslims of Mindanao develop very close friendships with their same-sex peers. This “sisterhood” or “brotherhood” that develops when they are young continues throughout their lives and serves as a network to become familiar with other families. The family enquires, discusses and suggests candidates from among the network of people that they know. They consult with each other to narrow down potential prospects. If the young couple and their families agree, the couple meets in a chaperoned group environment. When young people are getting to know each other, being alone together is a considered a temptation toward wrongdoing. Islam recognizes that we are human and are given to human weakness, so this rule provides safeguards for our own sake. If the couple seems compatible, the families may investigate further—talking with friends, family, Islamic leaders, etc. to learn about the character of the potential spouse. The couple agrees to pursue marriage or decides to part ways. Unlike some cultural practices in which marriages are strictly arranged, Islam has given this freedom of choice to both young men and women—they cannot be forced into a marriage that they don’t want. This type of focused courtship helps ensure the strength of the marriage by drawing upon family elders’ wisdom and guidance in this important life decision. Family involvement in the choice of a marriage partner helps assure that the choice is based not on romantic notions, but rather on a careful, objective evaluation of the compatibility of the couple. That is why these marriages often prove very successful in the long-term. In the other hand, most Filipinos are Christians, mostly Catholics which build up most of the population. Filipino courtship is influenced by Christian courtship; it adapts to the contemporary and cultural styles and traditions of courtship in the country, but they do not prohibit strict regulations as the Muslims did, thus maintaining the essence of the classical “ligaw”. The teachings of the church value the virtues of its people and the word of God. As long as the person is mentally, emotionally, and spiritually stable you can court with clean intention and pursue the person that is special to your heart. Christianism shows the idea of “worth the wait” as the famous Filipino line says “kung mahal mo, hihintayin mo” and the concept of valuing the person’s virginity as a respect to her and to God. Christian Courting comes in the same way with God’s will and time and patience to achieve true mutual love; as marriage is a holy sacrament and is considered holy. Religion and its faith come with different colorful ways and influence each other’s perspective when it comes to the life and concept of courting.
In traditional way of courting in the Philippines, men are the ones who express their feelings towards women. In order for a man to express his feelings to a woman, his way of courting must be done not in the streets or other places but at the woman’s house to also get permission from the parents. In order for a suitor to avoid being perceived as an arrogant person, he should treat his admired woman with respect and should seek attention in a gentlemanly and friendly approach. A suitor should not only treat his admired one with respect, but also the family of his admired one. He should introduce himself in a formal way. On the other hand, women are very should act modest, shy, with good upbringing, and well-mannered. They usually deny their feelings despite having great feelings toward the suitor. This is because Filipino women are enculturated to get to know the other person first before trusting them.
In a Philippine tradition of courting, there are some ways or types that man can do to approach a woman he loves. These types are considered as a part of our Philippine culture that have a big influence in the behavior in courting of some Filipinos. One of the types are; Tulay (go – between). If a man wants to approach a woman he wants, he cannot just approach the woman like surprisingly asking her contact number or her address. A good man must know how to respect a girl and not to approach her in a perceive way. A man needs a to find a common friend to serve as a wingman or bridge between him and to the girl to know each other very well. This will help him know things about the woman more, providing more knowledge will result to an effective approach and move. Serenade or “harana” is a very Filipino way to catch the attention of a woman that is being courted. When serenading, the man is singing a song in front of the woman’s house with some companions or he can do it solo. There are signs that show if the parent doesn’t want to serenade her/his daughter like if the parent of a woman closed the window it means the parent doesn’t like the admirer. Thoughtful gifts is a necessity in Filipino courting, when the man got the permission to visit the house of the girl. He is expected to bring some thoughtful gifts like roses, chocolate or some other stuff to make the girl happy and to influence parents of the girl to like him. If a man really dedicated to show his good intention to the woman, a way to express it is to do the “paninilbihan” or servitude. When a man does this, he would help in the woman’s house by doing household chores like fetching a water in artesian well (pag-igib ng tubig sa poso) or chop some woods (pagsibak ng kahoy). If a couple is ready to get married, the man will do a traditional way which is called “Pamamanhikan” to formally ask a permission before the marriage. “Pamamanhikan” is a Filipino way to show respect to the parents of a couple. When the man is “namamanhikan” he brings his parents in the woman’s house to formally introduce them and talk things about their lives and their children with gifts and food to celebrate. This will help to make the couple’s marriage to become legal for both sides of their families. The Philippine tradition of courting is not easy especially for men. But there is a bright side of that despite of being hard; by these practices, it can help to measure the sincerity and dedication of men to express or show his love. After all, we court because we love the person; and the picture of love is limitless. These traditional ways of courting are factors of give edge to Filipinos by exhibiting the perseverance, patience, and good behavior of Filipino men and what is gives to the strong Filipino bond.
By this time, the traditional way of courting has evolved in the modern-day era. The process or ways of traditional courtship is no longer practiced by our youth especially in urban areas. Almost all of the Filipino are having a lot of fun using gadgets like phones, tablets, computers and etc. Maybe it is one of the reasons why Filipinos are welcoming technology in their lives. Technology makes our life easier in a positive way but makes us effortless in a negative way. This is one of the factors that trigger the evolution of courtship in the Philippines. The modern courtship today is very effortless and much different from the traditional. The technology made us easier to express our feelings and it has the power to change the way of courting even we are in the country where our families value so much our culture and tradition. Through the use of some application like messenger or some social media sites, a suitor can now communicate in a cheaper way to his admired woman. The traditional way where courting is done at the house of a woman and with the permission of her parents is now done by chatting or texting. Men can now easily ask for a date with a woman with or without courting and permission from her parent. Most of the women are also change. Their attitude of being hard to get is now faded form their personality.
These information leads to the affirmation that texting is indeed more suitable to the Filipino society and social condition nowadays. The change in society became rapid as humans maximize the use of technology. This texting custom of courtship in the modern age opened more doors to the possibility of younger age groups to participate without hindrance from parents and more experience for romance.
Fifty years from now, we are already the frustrated parents of the next generation. Most probably, relationships won’t undergo courtship anymore. With the immense effect if technology on our custom of courtship, there is no doubt that the essence of courtship would no longer be visible until it is no longer a practice.